I still remember the exact moment I said goodbye to my family and my in-laws. My mother started crying when I hugged her and my father tried to stay solid. Part of me felt sad as I hugged my in-laws who had no idea about the divorce plans. They said we will see you later in Paris but I knew this wouldn’t happen. I felt I betrayed them and I knew they would hate me and curse the day they ever met me once they learn the news, they did. My best friend was there and he insisted on driving me to the airport and say goodbye to Montie, my dog. As we arrived at Cairo International Airport I felt heavy and a deep sense of sadness dawned on me. The airport police was trying to rush my friend to drop me off and leave as it was a specially busy night at the airport but we lingered. I looked at him and said “I guess that is it, time to go”. He did not say anything, he looked at my dog and told her goodbye and see you soon.
As the trip was booked before my partner and I arrived at the divorce decision, we took the plane together. I had my dog and she had her 4 cats. When we landed in Paris I felt some relief. One of the first memories I have in Paris was when I took Montie for a walk then decided to have a coffee at Starbucks. I asked the barista if it is allowed for my dog to sit with me in the terrace and she looked puzzled with my question and said “oui, bien sur.” later I learned that you only need permission for dogs indoors but no one really cares in terraces. That was a small culture shock because Cairo is extremely hostile to animals, in fact it is hostile to life.
When I try to remember my first emotions 2 years ago, I can remember that there was this excitement of living in a new place, new office, new colleagues and new life. As I got older the idea that I was running out of “first time” experiences bothered me. Moving to Paris allowed me to have new “first time” experiences. The first month was super busy. My furniture was arriving, I was getting more familiar with the public transpiration system and I faced a brand new challenge which is finding dog sitters for my dog when I traveled.
The second month was the worst. I officially started the divorce procedure. I think I can write a book on divorce alone. It is such a draining, humiliating and nerve wrecking experience. As the dust started to settle I started seeing myself clearer. It is like I have been in a surgery and the painkillers have started to wear off. I remember I called a close friend and she made a mean joke and I told her “be nice to me, I am in pain.” It was such a sentence out of character of me that she went silent then asked “You are kidding, right?” I did not answer and said “I gotta go, talk to you later”. The pain of the divorce was taking its toll on me, I had no friends, I had no family, and nothing felt or sounded familiar.
To break the cycle of solitude I started using dating applications and went to more MeetUps than I could count. It helped. I met a lot of internationals who were going through a similar process like mine. Everyone had a story and everyone was running from something or towards something. I chose the title of this chapter to be uprooted because this is exactly how it felt being in France. When a tree is uprooted and replanted it is not dead but it takes a lot of time for a tree to adapt to the new environment and surroundings. In humans it can cause anxiety, restlessness and nostalgia to where I ran away from. Luckily for me this experience did not last too long.
My best friend in Cairo decided to visit me and together we traveled to Berlin to meet other friends for New Year’s Eve. This time the trip went wild. We decided to meet in Amsterdam and spend a few days before new year’s then go from Amsterdam to Berlin, Montie came with us. My friends in Berlin already had a plan for New Year’s Eve. The plan was called “Tresor” which is one of the best techno nightclubs in Berlin. Next chapter is again about Berlin, this time it is about rebirth. It is going to be spicy, so stay tuned….
On the Search for Home 