I loved my last dissociative/psychotic experience but I did not know what to do with it. I felt it was a premature season finale, then I got it. It was an answer I needed to stop looking back and to start looking forward. Our pasts shape us, they leave us with experiences without which we would never understand ourselves and push our limits. The feeling I have right now is gratitude. I am grateful that I grew up in a loving and caring family. I am grateful I have had the chance to grow up in the desert of Egypt. Every man, woman, and child alive should see the desert one time before they die. Nothing at all for horizons. Nothing but sand and rocks and wild plants and blue sky. Not a soul in sight. You find silence out there, you find peace. I am grateful I was educated in the American University in Cairo and that I have had the chance to travel at a young age to the epitome of western civilisation, the USA. I am grateful I got to witness the Egyptian revolution and be part of it with all the sorrows and horrors that came with it. I am grateful that I have had the chance to start over in a country like France. I am grateful for the many lovers and friends I have met throughout the experience. I have loved and I have been truly loved. I have made peace with the past. I have accepted it.
Now it is a new chapter. Now It is time to live the present that leads to the future, not the present that lives in the shadows of the past. I want to visit my odd friend again and I want to talk to him again. Next it will be Ayahuasca baby, stay tuned….
On the Search for Home 