I was tired that day. In fact I have been tired for sometime before that day too. I consumed my energy in crunching books, working over hours and practicing my guitar. This is my routine when I do not want to face something. I distract my mind into something else but the mind knows and the mind wins.
That day I did DCK for the wrong reasons but maybe the right time. My dear readers: fasten your seat belts….
I am sitting on my La-Z-Boy inclining chair, the room expanded, my friend’s voice sounded too far and incomprehensible, the buzz from the speakers behind me was killing me, I switched them off and my world became 2D. Voices changed into electric noises that were no longer voices but just sound waves with no meaning. I asked my friend to shut up, he shut up. Now there is silence.
My 2D world turns into black metal slabs that collapse one after the other and everything disappears, everything. From here on I will refer to The Odd Friend as TOF. I split not dissociate, big difference.
TOF: Yes yes yes, here he comes, I have been waiting for you.
Me: What is this?
TOF: What is not this, you mean. This is it, this is everything. Every sound you hear, every image you see, every sensation you get and everything you ever tasted, smelled and experienced. This is my world, your world, our world, THE WORLD.
Me: There is nothing here, nothing at all.
TOF: True and not true. You, I (you are me, I am you, whatever you want to call it) are conscience. I have been here first in the nothingness. As you see it is vast what nothingness can be, the void, the abyss. So I created you with your life, your world, your everything. You got bored (well, I got bored) so I created death to give you a new life because eternity is a cruel thing. So now we can have new beginnings and like this we can play forever.
Me: Play?
TOF: I know you are wondering how many times you have reached that far to this point but I won’t answer you and it does not matter. But you have always questioned, every time in every life I gave you. There is nothing to be gained from your pursuit of reality. You can call it a simulation, a matrix whatever you want. You want to breakthrough that matrix and see what is behind hoping for salvation, hoping that the truth would put an end to the endless cycle. Here you are, my friend, this is what is behind the matrix: NOTHINGNESS. In here there is no time, no beginning, middle and end there is just NOTHING. I cannot die, I cannot vanish because in nothingness nothing happens at all. So my existence, your existence are not a choice, we are just here and in here nothing happens. I am sorry if the game was cruel and if the “construct” I gave you made you hope for more.
Now you have it,”the truth”. Do what you want to do with it. The construct can be beautiful and the more you allow it to grow the more the construct becomes for you. I want you to be happy and to feel what we call “life” for lack of a better word. I will be constructing endlessly because my reality is endless so, my odd friend, please forgive me.
On the Search for Home 